IELTS Writing Task 1 • Authentic Responses & Examiner’s Comments (1)
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the results of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
Authentic Response 1: Band 5
The figures represent the information about visitors of Ashdown Museum, who have been visit this museum during the year before and the year after refurbishment. The figures were calculated by five different categories, and put in the result of surveys of visitor satisfaction.
As can been seen from table, total number of visitors has increased during the year after refurbishment, and count for 92000 of people. During the year before, there were only 74000 of visitors, but not everyone stayed satisfied. It is noticable, that year before refurbishment, there were about 40% of visitors who have been stayed dissatisfied. In the year after this proportion has decreased to 15%, while part of the visitors, who stayed satisfied has grown to 40%. In the year before, there were only 30%. Some of the visitors put the answer very satisfied in the result of surveys. In the year before, this part count only for 15%, in year after about 35% of visitors have stayed very satisfied. But there also proportion of visitors, who stayed very dissatisfied. Before refurbishment there were 10% of these visitors. Year after this proportion has been refused to 5%. In the both cases there were about 5% of visitors, who have not any response.
To sum up, it is noticeable that refurbishment had a great changes. Number of visitors have been grown with this changes, and plenty of people stayed more satisfied, than year before.
Examiner’s comments: The candidate has reported all the data in the table and pie charts and provides an appropriate summary of the information. The writing shows evidence of organisation, but there is some jumping around in both the results of visitor satisfaction and the time periods, which detracts from the description. Cohesive devices are used but with some errors (As can been seen | in the both cases). The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task (increased | decreased | grown), but not always appropriate (count for 92000 of people | has been refused to 5%) and tends to be used repetitively (stayed satisfied | stayed very dissatisfied | In the year before). There are attempts to produce complex sentence structures, but grammatical control is variable (As can been seen from table, total number of visitors has increased | have been visit | there also proportion of visitors | this part count only for 15% | a great changes | Number of visitors have been grown with this changes).
Authentic Response 2: Band 6 to 6.5
The table shows how many people visit Ashdown Museum during a year before and a year after of refurbishing and the charts shows the percentages of visitor’s satisfaction in those period.
74,000 people visit Ashdown museum during the year before refurbishment. However, during a year after refurbishment, the total number of visitors are increased as 92,000.
Before the refurbishment, 40 percent of people were dissatisfied. A quarter of people were satisfied with their visit and only 15 percent of people were very satisfied. Surprisingly, people who satisfied with their visit were increased as 40 percent and 35 percent of people were very satisfied.
Over all, there is an increase in the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum and most of the people were more satisfied with their visit. However, still there was 5 percent of people who don’t want to respond the survey before and after the refurbishment.
Examiner’s comments: The candidate has identified the main features and has supported these with key figures, comparing these before and after refurbishment, though these points are made quite briefly and could be more developed. There is a summary at the end, with additional information about the number of people who failed to respond to the survey. Organisation is fairly clear, though key data could be selected for presentation in a more logical way. Cohesive devices are used (However | Surprisingly | Over all | who) but there are times when there could be more attempts to link information. The range of vocabulary is quite limited but adequate for the task (the total number of visitors | A quarter of | respond) and there are not many errors (respond the survey). There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms but there are some basic errors (the charts shows | in those period | people who satisfied with their visit were increased).
Authentic Response 3: Band 7
The table below shows the amount of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the years after and the year before it was modernized. After the table there is the charts that show the result of surveys asking people how satisfied they were with their visit thos museum, during the same two periods
It is obviously that the numbers of visitors significantly increased after the refurbishment from 74,000 before the reconstruction to 92,000 after it had been done. Now lets look at the charts. The year before refurbishment shows a negative pattern: the results of survey illustrate that only 15% of visitors were very satisfied and the number of dissatisfied people was 40%. The year after refurbishment illustrates that the number of dissatisfied visitors declined and became 15%, on a contrary, people who were very satisfied increased to 35%. Comparing the amount of satisfied visitors we can also see an upward trend (it increased from 30% to 40% after the refurbishment).
To sum up, we can say that all work that has been done to attract new visitors to Ashdown Museum has reached its aim
Examiner’s comments: The candidate covers the main features of the table and charts, and gives a satisfactory overview of the data. The information is logically organised with a clear progression in the way points are presented. Cohesive devices are used effectively (during the same two periods) but not always accurately (on a contrary). A range of vocabulary is used flexibly (shows a negative pattern | illustrates that | an upward trend | has reached its aim) but there are occasional errors in word choice (the amount of visitors | It is obviously). The candidate has used a variety of complex structures (the charts that show the result of surveys asking people how satisfied they were with their visit | after the refurbishment from 74,000 before the reconstruction to 92,000 after it had been done). There is good control of grammar although there are a few minor errors (there is the charts). Punctuation is generally well-controlled but full stops are missing at the end of the first and final paragraphs and there are a few minor errors (lets look).